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What I have said, repeatedly, is that chemistry is a wonderful feeling.
The math is crude, but I hope you can see that one relationship is superior to the other. Which brings us back to Liv’s original question and the source of much consternation from the 10 Chemistry people. Well, the reason that I laid out this case before answering the question was to illustrate that NO chemistry is just as harmful as no compatibility.
Now one can argue that you’d prefer chemistry OVER compatibility. Liv said it has “always been like this,” which means she ignored the lack of passion from the get-go, instead of realizing that a sexual connection is a necessary part of any marriage.
First of all, I have never said that you should have no chemistry.
I have never said you should be with a man you’re not attracted to. I have never said that if you have compatibility that attraction is entirely irrelevant.
As everyone sees us as the ‘perfect family’ and my husband as a wonderful man (which he is), I find myself more and more anxious feeling that this is not what I want for another 20 years. There are many reasons why we’ve stayed together – our children’s happiness, financial stability, our daughter is deaf and has needed support and it works day to day.
10 chemistry X 3 compatibility = a relationship that’s a 30.7 chemistry X 10 compatibility = a relationship that’s a 70. b) When you’re planning a 40 year relationship, compatibility – the ability to compromise, make thousands of tiny decisions as a couple, and build a life together – is ultimately more important than white-hot chemistry.
We have discussed this at length over the years and have tried to make things better (believe me).When I didn’t talk about it, that’s when it ended up being such a long time.We are like best friends/brother and sister – living together.So what I’ve observed as a dating coach is that people are slaves to chemistry, ignore compatibility (the ability to get along and build a future), and wonder why they’re so unhappy if they’re “in love”. So, given these facts (chemistry feels awesome, but 40 year relationships aren’t built on chemistry alone), I have always advocated for smart tradeoffs.Instead of having a 10 in chemistry and a 3 in compatibility, I recommend a 7 in chemistry and a 10 in compatibility.These are straw man arguments and it’s tiring for me to address things that I’ve never actually said.